Parents, Carers, Siblings, Family & Friends
This page is dedicated to Parents, Grandparents, Carers, Siblings, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Nephews, Nieces & Friends
'So much is asked of Parents and so little given'.... (Virginia Satir)
In fact, if someone asked you, 'Who is the most important person in your family?' What would your answer be?
I have learned and others have said to me and possibly said to you too, 'if you are not well, phyiscally, mentally and emotionally to look after yourself, how can you be your very best for your loved ones?'
Whose life jacket would you put on first?
Whose oxygen mask would you put on first?
How can you help someone else if you don't look after yourself?
Many Parents and Carers, understandably, put their children first, my hubby and I included but at what cost to our own health? After many years of searching for ways to help my daughter communicate, advocating and fighting for her needs to be met and researching and implementing the interventions, therapies and treatments that I felt would make a difference to her development, I now suffer with Fibromyalgia (FMS) and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS)and in the last few years I have had two Malignant Melanomas removed and I am still under observation by my wonderful McMillian Nurse. I am by no blaming my daughter or my family for my conditions! No! If I were to blame anyone for my ailments, it would have to be myself! Had I made more time to consider myself first (not in a selfish way but in a survival way), had I learnt to sometimes say, 'No,' or 'I've done enough for now. I can do more another time.' I may not have these the act of care giving... and the importance of saying 'No!' before your body says it for you, like mine did as well!
Some quotes from Dr Mate's Book and Video:
'You will recognise yourself in this talk'
'...who gets sick is not accidental'
'...the chronic stress of care giving ages mothers by ten years...'
'...the need to please everybody all of the time will kill you...'
'There are two main assumptions in life...the mind and body are separate...we think our emotional lives are somehow separate from our physiology...completely false assumption, unscientific, refuted by all the research.'
'The issue of course, is not that we shouldn't provide care to other people...caring for others and being kind, that's wired into us as human beings. That's a true expression of who we are but going along with that, there has to be self-care. That means that you must,
- demand support when you need it
- you must be able to ask for help when you need it
- you must be able to express how you feel
- you must take time for yourself
- there must be times in your life which are just for you...
...because if you don't, the result is burn out and illness.
It's not a question of being selfish or unconcerned. That's not so good either for your health. There's the question of, 'are you being as kind to yourself as you are wanting to be of others?''
I know many parents of children with autism who have developed FMS, CFS, Multiple Sclerosis (MS), Cancer and other debilitating diseases and conditions as a result of their immune systems becoming so run down and exhausted and their bodies 'saying NO!' after suffering the chronic stress and exhaustion; because they chose to refuse to make time for a few hours for themselves or had no possibility of doing so; constantly battling on to be the best parent carer to their autistic child/children and their siblings; fighting for what they believe all their children need and are entitled to receive, such as appropriate education, travel to school and other important support and all this adding more stress and strain on their already exhausted minds and bodies!
Following Farrah's diagnosis of ASD, I was never offered counselling or had any support for myself, for my husband or my son and this is the 'norm' according to my MA Autism dissertation research and the small amount of research out there on this subject! However, as was the case with a very few of my research participants, I have paid for therapies for myself such as Eurythmy Therapy (movement therapy), Art Therapy and some others. The 'mainstream' General Practitioner (GP) doctor only offered me anti-depressant medication. I change my GP to a holistic and integrative one however, and he offered me homeopathy; herbal alternatives to medication for depression; the Eurythmy Therapy and Art Therapy mentioned and has me registered as a 'carer' and offers me the opportunity to take part in any therapies and support group activities they might be running.
I have been very lucky to have many supportive friends over the years, some of whom have even whisked me away on a five day break whilst my hubby and other friends stepped in to look after our children for me. Not all parents are as lucky as me, I know.
More recent years, and now my daughter is learning to become more independent and I have completed training to practice NLP, Reiki, Seichem, Crystal Healing, Sound Healing, Bach Flower Remedies and Essences, Meditation and most recently Assemblage Point Alignment as a Practitioner and I have received these therapies myself along the way and felt the most relaxing and calming benefits, I have realised what a Godsend all these are for me as well as the positive effects these have had on all my family members. Friends have noticed a difference in me. Clients and case study participants have also reported postive benefits they have experienced positive benefits on them and this is why I have been introducing them into my Services and Family-Centred Packages.
I now practice NLP in my everyday way of thinking, communicating and behaviour and to find the solutions to any 'problems' I face and I treat myself with Reiki, Seichem, Crystals and Sound Healing and I go for a regular massage for my Fibromyalgia with a qualified massage therapist whois also a registered nurse, every fortnight or so, depending how my mind and body is feeling.
It is for this reason, I am dedicating this page to focus on you, the parents, grandparents, carers, siblings and other family members who are living with an autistic loved one (or two or more!) in your life.
To support you all, as carers, to share what I have learned and I am still learning along the way in my journey; to support you to be the best you can be first, so you can be the best you can be for the ones you love too...
I will be adding more to this page over time but if you have any questions, comments or enquiries right now, please feel free to contact me here
What can help you look after you right now...
Primarily, I can highly recommend that if you do nothing else to start with, if you can treat your self to an Assemblage Point Alignment and Healing Treatment, you will notice a shift in your energy levels and a balancing effect within and you may even experience some pain relief (physical, emotional or spiritual).
The Assemblage Point is the epi-centre of your whole body's energy and affects your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health.
When your Assemblage Point is off centre, shattered and not aligned, through shock, trauma and even child birth, you can not work at your optimum and everything feels more physically, emotionally and spiritually challenging.
If you only do one thing for yourself now, this is the treatment I recommend.
You will feel a big difference in your ability to be the best you can be to do what you believe is best for yourself and all your loved ones!
Please click on the link below to find out more about the assemblage point alignment and healing treatment and on the other links to learn more about them...
Please feel free to contact me to discuss any of these services or you can take a look at my Services webpage for more information on any of these and more here
My Personal Beliefs on 'Healing.'
When I first started to explore 'HEALING,' I wondered if this was conducive with my spiritual beliefs. I am a Baha'i.
I knew that the Baha'i Faith teaches us that Science and Religion are one and one cannot exist without the other and so when I started to look into Reiki Healing and I discovered there is no specific religion or cult attached to it and it is 'calling upon' the universal life force energy (of which some of us call God), that Reiki makes sense through Quantum Physics and then I saw the documentary of Marasu Emoto (here) and I learnt how our thoughts alone and intentions can influence physical objects and beings and then I felt the energy flowing through me after my first Reiki attunements and feel the energy flowing through my hands and whenever I pray I feel this energy in the crown of my head; and when I started giving healing treatments to myself and my family or friends, I could feel this energy flowing through me; and then with Crystal Healing - I learnt how vibrational and energy in geology, geophysics, vibration and energy is all part of and within the crystals and how this relates to using them for 'Healing;' and then following on from this I learnt Sound Healing and about how vibrational frequencies including ultra sound is used in hospitals for seeing physical presences in the body and can break up kidney stones and I learnt many other scientific facts about all these Healing therapies and heard testimonials and feedback from my own case study participants and later and now from my clients, I really began to feel very excited about the fact that, 'Healing' really does make scientific sense.
Next, I knew I had to research what is written about 'Healing' in the sacred Baha'i texts and writings and this is what I found...
'Know that there are four kinds of curing and healing without medicine. Two are due to material causes, and two to spiritual causes.
Of the two kinds of material healing, one is due to the fact that in man both health and sickness are contagious. The contagion of disease is violent and rapid, while that of health is extremely weak and slow. If two bodies are brought into contact with each other, it is certain that microbic particles will pass from one to the other. In the same way that disease is transferred from one body to another with rapid and strong contagion, it may be that the strong health of a healthy man will alleviate a very slight malady in a sick person. That is to say, the contagion of disease is violent and has a rapid effect, while that of health is very slow and has a small effect, and it is only in very slight diseases that it has even this small effect.
The strong power of a healthy body can overcome a slight weakness of a sick body, and health results. This is one kind of healing.
The other kind of healing without medicine is through the magnetic force which acts from one body on another and becomes the cause of cure. This force also has only a slight effect. Sometimes one can benefit a sick person by placing one's hand upon his head or upon his heart. Why? Because of the effect of the magnetism, and of the mental impression made upon the sick person, which causes the disease to vanish. But this effect is also very slight and weak.
Of the two other kinds of healing which are spiritual --that is to say, where the means of cure is a spiritual power--one results from the entire concentration of the mind of a strong person upon a sick person, when the latter expects with all his concentrated faith that a cure will be effected from the spiritual power of the strong person, to such an extent that there will be a cordial connection between the strong person and the invalid. The strong person makes every effort to cure the sick patient, and the sick patient is then sure of receiving a cure. From the effect of these mental impressions an excitement of the nerves is produced, and this impression and this excitement of the nerves will become the cause of the recovery of the sick person. So when a sick person has a strong desire and intense hope for something and hears suddenly the tidings of its realization, a nervous excitement is produced which will make the malady entirely disappear. In the same way, if a cause of terror suddenly occurs, perhaps an excitement may be produced in the nerves of a strong person which will immediately cause a malady. The cause of the sickness will be no material thing, for that person has not eaten anything, and nothing harmful has touched him; the excitement of the nerves is then the only cause of the illness. In the same way the sudden realization of a chief desire will give such joy that the nerves will be excited by it, and this excitement may produce health.
To conclude, the complete and perfect connection between the spiritual doctor and the sick person--that is, a connection of such a kind that the spiritual doctor entirely concentrates himself, and all the attention of the sick person is given to the spiritual doctor from whom he expects to realize health--causes an excitement of the nerves, and health is produced. But all this has effect only to a certain extent, and that not always. For if someone is afflicted with a very violent disease, or is wounded, these means will not remove the disease nor close and heal the wound--that is to say, these means have no power in severe maladies, unless the constitution helps, because a strong constitution often overcomes disease. This is the third kind of healing.
But the fourth kind of healing is produced through the power of the Holy Spirit. This does not depend on contact, nor on sight, nor upon presence; it is not dependent upon any condition. Whether the disease be light or severe, whether there be a contact of bodies or not, whether a personal connection be established between the sick person and the healer or not, this healing takes place through the power of the Holy Spirit.'
-Abdul'-Baha (Some Answered Questions, p254-256)